If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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