So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
