I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
