i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize