You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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