the condom got lost in my hair
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
