He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so let's talk penis.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
