ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
