I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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