I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize