does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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