escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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