last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
