I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
