I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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