How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
