I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
