Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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