So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
