If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
