I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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