Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize