being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Randomize
