i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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