Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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