I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
