As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize