Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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