ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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