Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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