my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
