Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
