your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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