Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I want to have your abortion
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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