Sorry, I don't speak sober.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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