I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
