I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
