I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
