pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
