Sponge bath it is.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
