i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
