I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
