whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i've created a new STD.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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