Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
