From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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