tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
