i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
