All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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