"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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