I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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