I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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