I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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