U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
A bitchslap is in order.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
