So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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