The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
