i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
