dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
