Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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