I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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