screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
