if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
