I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
