I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
