remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
