I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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