i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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