From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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